Sometimes I Regret It All
by Darkness Be Mine
Summary: The world as they'd known it was gone forever. Every single one of them had lost something to the dead that they never thought they could survive without, but survive they did. The trick was to make the most out of everything you had left. Seblaine Zompocalypse. (Definite anti-Klaine themes in this one. Consider yourselves warned.)
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** Hi all... another idea I couldn't get out of my head until I put it down 'on paper'. I do love myself a good zombie film/movie and I thought it was about time I had a go at one of these.

I really hope you like it. Please read and review – let me know what you think.

* * *

It felt like a lifetime since what was effectively the end of the world... or at least the end of the world as they'd once known it.

The idea of a zombie apocalypse had been laughable when looked at by the 'experts'. They said time and again that it simply wasn't possible. That human beings, so over-exposed to the idea of zombies would effectively wipe the problem from existence the moment it arose. Easy to say from the comfort of the theoretical; not so easy when the solution meant 'killing' your mother, your brother... your son.

In the end it had been human compassion – love of family and friends – that had destroyed them.

Of course the end of the world for most was the beginning of the new for those few pockets of survivors scattered across the US... probably the world. Those lucky few were those who had escaped the horror, retreating to quieter areas outside of the cities and towns where it was safer. Safer not only from zombies but also from the hunters who cared only for their own survival, killing anyone they came across for even the chance of the supplies and weapons they might loot from their corpses.

Despite the difficulty in trusting in this new world, there were still those out there who weren't bad people, and it was with a group of these that Blaine and Kurt found themselves. They'd only met the group just over a month before – six months after the world had fallen – and yet it still felt like they'd known these eleven people their whole lives. Trust, once considered unessential in everyday life, quickly became necessary in a world when one might have to rely on ones companions to survive.

Kale, the unquestioned leader of the group, was an incredibly skilled archer, though remained remarkably vague when asked specifics. His competition grade compound bow was forever strapped across his back, and Blaine couldn't remember a time when he'd ever seen the man without it.

Timothy was the group's second in command and Kale's right hand man. Whenever Kale went out on a supply run he would leave Tim in charge. A former firefighter with the CFD, he filled the role well and was the first of the group Blaine had ever felt comfortable around.

It was with Tim whom they were sitting when the news of new survivors filtered back to them, what was almost alarm flashing briefly through Tim's dark eyes. At a curious look from Blaine, Tim just shook his head.

"Nothing, kid. Don't let it worry you. Sometimes Kale can be a little impulsive when it comes to inviting new people in, is all."

"We turned out alright, didn't we?"

A brief flash of a smile crossed Tim's face at the reminder of his initial suspicion when Kale had brought them back to camp.

"Harmless as flies, the pair of you. How you survived as long as you did astounds me."

Joking though he might have been at the time, Blaine still noticed the older man shoot a quick look of concern at the group of adults filtering into their small camp after Kale.

"Besides," Blaine continued, Tim's dark eyes moving to catch his as when he spoke. "At the moment we number thirteen. Damn unlucky if you ask me. It's like practically begging for trouble."

Tim had to chuckle at that, Blaine having quoted words another of their group – Tyler – had been known to say this month past. If paranoia had a personality it would have fit Tyler's perfectly. Conspiracy theories abounded in any conversation involving the young man, but when it came to ferreting out hard to find items, he was the very best person for the job.

"True, true. Still... caution isn't completely uncalled for..." and with that the tall man rose and made his way across the camp to speak with their leader.

"And we call Tyler paranoid..."

Blaine looked over when Kurt spoke to find his blue eyes fixed on the two by the entrance of the camp.

"He's not paranoid. He's just being cautious; looking out for us all."

"He needs to lighten up."

It was a habit of Kurt's these days to be consistently negative; a habit that Blaine was quickly becoming frustrated by. He knew Kurt had lost a lot – had _been_ through a lot, they all had – but living wasn't living if you didn't at least _try_ to enjoy it. "He's not the only one."

Kurt's eyes narrowed then, shifting back to meet his own. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

Recognising the tone in his voice, knowing exactly what it meant, Blaine just shook his head. "Nothing. It's nothing." Kurt had never been a fan of criticism, constructive or not, and the apocalypse had definitely done nothing to soften that attitude.

Watching him with narrowed eyes a moment longer, Kurt looked away again, his eyes drifting back to the small group that had followed Kale into camp. For a few minutes they sat together in silence, Blaine's mind wandering again to thoughts of just how quickly everything in his life had changed so completely.

* * *

"You've _got_ to be fucking kidding me!"

Blaine glanced up in surprise at the sudden expletive, hazel eyes attempting to catch those of his boyfriend. Unable to do so, Blaine followed his significant other's gaze to the survivors Kale had brought back to camp.

It was a few hours later and Tim had come back with their story from Kale; how they'd apparently been holed up on a farm in the middle of nowhere Ohio when they'd been attacked and forcibly relocated. Kale's scouting party had found them hiding in an abandoned municipal building. There, seeing the significant quantity of supplies they'd managed to save from the farm – fresh bread among them apparently – and the fact that their number included a former surgeon, Kale had convinced the few remaining to return with him.

The small group were presently standing at one end of their camp, conversing in low voices; hesitant gazes shifting between one another and those seated comfortably around the fire, finishing what remained of their evening meal. It was very clear from their behaviour that they'd seen just what some survivors of this apocalypse were capable of.

"What is it?"

Apparently without words to explain his frustration, Kurt waved his arm angrily at the group standing uncertainly at the edge of the camp. Utterly bewildered at this reaction, Blaine glanced at the small huddle. There were five of them. Three men and a woman, and the fifth... _Christ!_ She couldn't be older than eight years old, hair the colour of polished oak pulled into a small ponytail which was swinging madly as she bounced almost excitedly on the balls of her feet.

"What about them?"

"Not them... _him!"_

"Him?" Honestly, what the hell was Kurt on about? And why was this 'him' such a big deal. Sure, they had limited supplies and more survivors meant more raids into the nearby towns, but Kurt's reaction was more than a little extreme to the discovery of others who'd been lucky enough to survive the plague that had decimated the world's population.

Ignoring Kurt for the moment, his eyes remained caught on the little girl, more than a little taken by the sight of the bright smile that lit up the little girl's whole face as she tugged urgently at the navy shirt of one of her small group. It had been a long time since he'd seen a brilliance like that in a smile. Even children these days tended more towards the subdued; most had experienced far too much to ever smile like that again. It was honestly great to see it, and Blaine found himself glad in that moment that they'd taken in the little group. They could use some of that around here.

So what was Kurt's problem?

It was when the tall guy in the navy shirt crouched down before her, obviously enquiring as to her excitement, when Blaine suddenly understood his boyfriend's reaction.

Oh.

Familiar wide green eyes followed the little girl's excitedly waving finger, touching briefly on the group – barely long enough to see them, let alone pick out individual faces – before glancing back at her, making some comment in response. Her reply, whatever she might have said, drew a grin that almost matched the brilliance of her own to Sebastian Smythe's face, and he ruffled her hair playfully to her (obviously put on) outrage. Then rising back to his feet, he turned back to continue speaking to those in his group.

"You'd think with the end of the world and everything we'd at least be free of _him_."

Blaine shot Kurt a quick look to find him grimacing darkly at the younger man, before shaking his head with a quick smile at his boyfriend's dislike. "The undead practically destroy the entire world and you're _still_ holding onto that grudge?"

Kurt muttered grumpily, but made no further comment, conceding the point.

Unable to help his smile, Blaine found his eyes wandering back to the small group just in time for Sebastian to turn around again, this time that green gaze catching on his.

Startled was probably the best way he could think of to describe the expression on Sebastian's face, but the other recovered quickly, lifting his hand in a pleasantly non-committal greeting.

Offering a smile and a wave back, Blaine looked back to Kurt again to find him watching him with moody blue eyes, as if resenting the fact that he'd taken the time to greet the other man. "Oh come on. He's going to be living with us for the foreseeable future. Might as well _try_ to be pleasant."

"Sure." Kurt acknowledged with no small irritation, before adding, "If he decides to try too."

"Kurt... He's always pleasant. You just let everything he ever said rub you the wrong way. And like I said back then, Sebastian doesn't mean anything to me. I'm in love with _you_ , Kurt. Now _please_ let it go? For me?"

Kurt studied him warily for a long moment, as if trying to discover some kind of hole in his reasoning before he nodded with a sigh. "Fine. I'll try." Then added quickly, "But if he–"

"He won't." Blaine spoke the words over whatever argument Kurt was going to make, making the other guy grimace.

When they finally looked back over at the guy in question he, along with the rest of their group, were gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** Hi again everyone. Apologies for the long gap between chapters. I didn't mean to keep you all waiting so long, but life just got in the way a little for a while. Moving house, changing jobs... it all just got a little hectic for a while there. I wish too that I could tell you I'll be updating more regularly, however I'm just about to head off on a holiday overseas for the next month... but please bear with me, I hope to update it more when I get back.

Anyway, thanks to everyone who took a moment to read this and for those who've followed and favourited the story. Thanks especially go to my reviewers; I appreciate you taking the time to let me know what you think :)

SaberPrototype: Glad you're enjoying it. I will definitely try to keep going with this one.

Darrinia: Sebastian being there is definitely going to cause some drama, for sure.

And now, without further ado... please see below, Chapter 2.

* * *

When the other survivors didn't reappear for the rest of the evening, Kurt seemed to relax a little more, leaning forward in the green camping chair they'd taken from his parents' home, idly stoking the fire with a long stick. He hadn't spoken in a long time and Blaine knew without asking that his boyfriend was caught up in thoughts of the guy who'd once tormented him so horribly.

When he finally did speak, his voice was quiet. "I wonder what happened to them."

Blaine glanced over, then his eyes flickered away to find Kale standing in the distance, chatting with vigorous hand motions with Jessie, their group's 'cook' of sorts. "I don't know. Tim didn't really say... just that Kale said they were attacked. I guess I just assumed it was the undead."

Kurt just nodded, his eyes coming back from that distance they'd disappeared to, flicking sideways once again to catch his gaze. "So did I, but then I realised he never really said. I guess I was wondering how it had gotten so bad that they had to leave a whole farm. It seems they were doing quite well there."

He had to agree with that statement. From what he'd seen of the supplies Kale and the others had helped carry into camp, they'd definitely not been going hungry. Fresh bread. Fruits. Vegetables... from the looks of it they'd had their own garden, and from the quantities they'd brought with them they'd cleaned the whole place out when they'd left. Which would have taken time. And if they'd had time to do that, in what form had the attack occurred. He remembered well the way Kale had phrased it; how 'those who'd remained' had moved on. Implying that there had been a lot who didn't.

So what exactly had happened to the small group?

" _You_ could ask Sebastian."

Blaine looked over in surprise at the suggestion. "Me? Why me?"

"Well you guys are friends, right?"

He shrugged, his eyes a little distant as he thought back to that time that wasn't _so_ very long ago, but at the same time felt like an age past. "Not really. In the beginning we were, but after all that shit we went through we sorta drifted apart."

Kurt just nodded at that, his expression a little disappointed. "I guess it doesn't matter. Probably not really something they want to talk about."

Blaine shook his head, hazel eyes wandering over the expression on Kurt's face before offering a quick shrug. "If you really wanted to know, you could always ask Kale. He might know more."

His boyfriend turned to look at the man in question, nodding again. "Yeah, I guess so." He hesitated for a moment, obviously undecided, before rising to his feet. "Back in a minute."

Blaine just nodded, watching him go. For a second he found himself wondering as to Kurt's curiosity, but a moment later shook the thought from his head. Honestly... he was probably curious for exactly the same reasons as he was. It just didn't seem to make much sense.

When he finally turned back to the fire he found he had a visitor; big brown eyes the colour of a rich, dark chocolate looking up at him out of a tiny face.

"Hi there."

A smile pulled at her mouth then as she clambered up into the chair vacated a moment earlier by Kurt. "Hi," she replied brightly, swinging her legs idly as she continued to study him with curiosity.

"What's your name?"

"Bas calls me Lyssie."

"Bas?"

Her reply was accompanied by an eye roll and a sarcasm that would have made the man she spoke of quite envious. "Se _bas_ tian."

"Of course. Silly me. It's nice to meet you Lyssie."

She beamed at him, his earlier ignorance apparently forgiven. "Nice to meet you too."

For a long moment they sat in silence – he'd never felt overly comfortable around children, and honestly had no idea what to say – and eventually it was Lyssie who broke the silence.

"Bas said he knows you from... before."

Blaine looked down at the little girl, her big brown eyes serious as she addressed the topic. "He did."

"Does."

He blinked, surprised at being corrected by such a tiny thing. "Sorry?"

"Does," she explained as one might to a particularly slow child. "He said he _knows_ you, not _knew_ you."

Blaine smiled, shaking his head. "It's been a long time, and we've all changed. I think Sebastian meant he _knew_ me."

She considered that for a moment before screwing up her pretty face and sticking her tongue out. "Tenses are confusing. Bas is trying to teach me, but they is not sticking." And she tapped her forehead in an adorably child-like way, looking disapproving.

"Are."

She frowned up at him then. "Are what?"

"They _are_ not sticking."

For a moment she looked at him with some kind of exasperation before losing herself to a bout of mad giggles. Eventually she quietened down, her dark eyes back to considering his face for a long minute. When she spoke again her expression was serious.

"Where did you meet him?"

"Where did I meet who?"

A brief smile and a quick shake of her head and she replied with, "Bas, silly. Where did you meet him?"

"I met Bas at school."

"At Dalton," she elaborated, the words a statement, not a question, and Blaine nodded.

"That's right."

"Bas doesn't talk about Dalton a lot. He says it was a long time ago and it's better to forget."

Blaine considered that for a moment before nodding. "Sometimes I think that too."

"But not always?"

He shook his head. "No, not always. Sometimes it's nice to remember the things you've lost."

Curiosity fluttered through her big eyes. "What did you lose?"

Hesitating a moment, unsure as to how he should respond to a question like that from such a tiny thing, eventually Blaine decided on honesty. "A lot. Some of my friends, my brother, my parents..."

She fell silent for another minute, looking at her hands and biting her bottom lip. For a moment Blaine watched her in silence until she lifted those big, dark eyes – sad now – and replied. "I lost my parents too."

"I'm so sorry, Lyssie." Honestly, he had no idea how to respond to such a statement. As bad as losing his parents had been she'd had hers barely half the time he'd had with his; she had half the memories of her parents to keep them alive.

And eventually, as she grew older, those memories might fade altogether.

She nodded sadly, her eyes a little distant for a minute before they fixed again on his face. Then she smiled. "But Bas is looking after me now. He's good at taking care of me."

Blaine had to smile at the idea of Sebastian Smythe as anyone's guardian. "Is he?"

She nodded. "There is lots and lots of walking but he says it will help me grow up big and strong like he is."

"He said that, did he?"

Another nod. "He did. And Bas is always right. He said so."

Blaine had to grin at that. "And he's always right, so it must be true."

She nodded, beaming brightly. "Exactly."

They were interrupted then as Kurt returned, already speaking. "He doesn't know. They didn't really want to talk about it and he... didn't... ask." His voice trailed off as his eyes caught sight of their visitor, and for a long moment the two considered one another.

It was Lyssie who spoke first.

"You're Kurt."

It was a blunt, almost emotionless statement of fact and not a question, Kurt nodding in surprise. "Yeah, I am."

Lyssie considered that then, with a brief nod, she hopped off the seat, offering Blaine a quick smile and a wave goodbye before disappearing into the camp.

For a long moment Blaine and Kurt simply stared after her in surprise at the abrupt departure, before finally Kurt turned to face him. "What was that about?"

Blaine just shrugged, shaking his head. "No idea."

* * *

"Well, well, well... Wouldn't you know it? My two favourite people in the whole world."

"Sebastian, hi."

Sebastian, his bright eyes sparkling merrily at the two of them, approached them the next morning, Lyssie hovering silently at his side, watching them with her big eyes.

"Killer," he returned Blaine's greeting with a nod. Green eyes then shifted to Kurt and Blaine saw his amusement grow at the expression on the guy's face. "Kurt." Looking between the two of them for a moment, his smile shifted back into the realm of politely interested. "I see you two made it out of the city okay."

Blaine nodded, answering when it became obvious that Kurt wasn't about to. "We did. You too, as it turns out."

Sebastian just nodded, a shadow passing briefly over his face, his eyes shifting almost imperceptibly to Lyssie for a moment before moving back to them.

When he didn't respond, Blaine offered what felt like a slightly awkward smile. "Well... uh... welcome, I guess."

A small smile quirked at the corner of Sebastian's mouth, and the taller boy nodded. "Thanks, I guess," he teased, before looking around at those assembled by the camp's makeshift 'kitchen', the canvas of the tarp fluttering noisily in the morning breeze. "So have you guys been here long?"

"With the group or _here_ here?"

Kurt's question was, like his whole attitude towards Sebastian, short and sharp, and Blaine shot his significant other a frown. If Sebastian noticed the attitude he chose not to react, taking the question as he might have any other.

"With the group. Are they good guys?"

Blaine just shrugged, glancing over his shoulder at the others. "Sure, they're okay. They definitely have their shit together. They make a good team, everyone working together to get things done."

Sebastian's smile shifted ever so slightly into his familiar smirk. "Look who's been drinking the coolaid," he teased, laughing quietly at the light flush that coloured his cheeks. Then he shook his head. "No it's good. Trusting people these days is just..." and he shook his head with a grimace. "But you trust this group?"

Blaine nodded. "As far as I can know for sure after only knowing them a month, I'd say they're pretty trustworthy."

"Well you know what they say... a month is practically ten years these days. Especially when it comes to trust."

"Nobody says that," came Kurt's waspish reply, and a brief flicker of dislike flashed through Sebastian's eyes before disappearing moments later. Blaine however continued to frown at Kurt, who shot him an unrepentant, almost challenging look back.

"Actually I say that," Sebastian challenged, one brow arching ever so slightly to his forehead.

Kurt didn't reply to that, instead falling silent once again and, shooting the other guy a warning look, it was Blaine who spoke again.

"I know what you mean. People don't waste supplies on people they don't want around these days."

Sebastian nodded. "Exactly. It's not true for everyone of course. There are all kinds out there, but as a general rule it's not a bad one to keep in mind."

"Well I promise these guys are worth it. There's a few oddities around camp, but generally it's a good bunch."

"Good to know. Thanks, Blaine."

"Yeah for sure," his dark eyes shifted down to the small face half hidden behind Sebastian's leg. "Hi again, Lyssie."

A slow smile pulled at her mouth, and the dark eyes sparkled a little at the acknowledgement. "Hi." Her voice now was shy – strange given how open and chatty she'd been the day before – and Blaine wondered what it was that had caused the change.

"Anyway, I'm supposed to go find Kale. You guys seen him?"

"Uh, yeah." Blaine glanced briefly around behind him, catching sight of Tim across the campground. "Last I saw he was over there by Tim... It was only a few minutes ago. Tim might know where he went."

"Awesome. Thanks Killer. See you later," and he nodded briefly at Kurt in farewell. "Kurt." Green eyes then turned down to Lyssie, offering a smile and his hand. "C'mon munchkin."

The little girl beamed up at him – brilliant smile lighting her face – and it was clear that she thought very highly of the young man. Taking his hand, she turned back to Blaine. "Bye, Blaine."

Smiling, he offered her a small wave. "Bye Lyssie. See you around."

Watching the two wander over to join Tim there was a moment of silence before Kurt spoke. "I don't know who he thinks he's kidding. I'm not buying his reformed, dad-type act."

Blaine sighed but otherwise made no comment. It just wasn't worth it for the argument he knew it would become.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** Hi all. Wow... so I'm really not the best at keeping my stories up to date. Sorry for making you all wait so long for the next chapter.

Thanks to all who've taken the time to read this. Thanks for giving it a chance and I hope you enjoy it. That's to all those who've followed and favourited the story and most especially to my reviewers. I always love to hear your thoughts and opinions.

Darrinia: I agree. He would definitely have made a great dad when the time came. In this however it's a little different. He's been thrown together with this girl and has sort of had to adapt. :)

Ana: Thanks! I'm glad you like it so far. I hope I don't disappoint.

Anyway enough from me. I hope you all enjoy Chapter 3.

* * *

After the inevitable awkward period of reuniting with old friends – and hindered slightly due to Kurt's open hostility – Blaine and Sebastian quickly settled back into their old friendship. It wasn't hard, given the history and the memories that they shared, although Blaine quickly realised that, just like Lyssie had told him the day they met, Sebastian was more than a little reluctant talking about the past.

"I just don't see why it matters, is all. I mean... It's gone. It's not coming back. Why bother reminiscing? What's the point?"

Blaine just looked at him in disbelief, wondering exactly when it was that Sebastian had gotten so jaded, and wondering too if he hadn't always been like this and he'd simply never had a cause to realise it before.

"What's the point? Sometimes it nice, isn't it? To think back on how it used to be? Remember all the people we've lost?"

Sebastian just shook his head. "Just makes it all so much harder to swallow in my opinion. Makes living in the world we're stuck with that much harder if we sit back and remember just how it great it used to be from time to time."

Blaine cocked his head to one side, considering his friend for a moment. "It's not all bad though, right? You have Lyssie now." And when a faint smile tugged at one corner of Sebastian's mouth at the mention of his young charge, Blaine continued. "Honestly if you'd told me back then that you'd be a responsible guardian for a girl her age I'd have thought you insane."

The other's smile widened at the observation, nodding his head. "Don't I know it. I'd have been the first to commit anyone who thought _that_ was ever a possibility to a mental institution, but now..." He was silent a long moment, obviously thinking the situation through in his head. "Now I guess I don't know if... I mean I can't imagine life without her."

"How long have you known her?"

Sebastian shrugged. "Dunno... Not all that long, really. Maybe around four months now, give or take a week or two."

"And you've always been with that group? From the beginning?"

He was answered with an amused smile. "You sure do ask a lot of questions."

He felt the familiar blush threaten his cheeks and forced it down. "Yeah well... we don't get too many newcomers here; certainly not friends from... before. I'm just... curious, I guess."

"Makes sense," Sebastian replied, then he shook his head. "But to answer your question, no. We'd only been with that group for a couple of weeks before we came here. Lyssie and I stumbled across them just as shit was going down... Helped out and then stuck around to make sure they were okay. We were going to move on when Kale found us all and invited us back here."

A feeling of consternation crept up his spine; an almost cold feeling he wasn't completely familiar with. "Are you still thinking of moving on? Or are you guys gonna stick around a while?"

"Why? You looking to get rid of me?"

Blaine had to laugh at that, shaking his head with a smile. "Hardly. You and Lyssie aren't exactly a burden on this little community and I like having you around." He smiled over at his friend, nudging him lightly with his shoulder. "Even if it _is_ a 'painful reminder of everything we've lost'."

Sebastian chuckled at that, nudging him back with his own shoulder and nodding his head. "Well I'd be lying if I said it wasn't great to see you too... even if a certain someone would rather I join the hordes of the undead."

A quick glance at him proved that the guy was just messing around, but Blaine quickly shook his head, hating even the brief thought of something happening to his friend. "Don't say that. Don't even _joke_ about that. It's not funny."

Sebastian seemed surprised at the vehemence in his reply, but neglected to call him out on it, and Blaine wondered if he'd made the other guy uncomfortable. Given Kurt's extremely negative reaction to his presence and his continued antagonistic behaviour towards him, he supposed he couldn't really blame the guy for thinking Kurt would rather him...

... but he just didn't think even Kurt would take his old grudge _that_ far.

Of course he wouldn't.

"Sorry."

The word itself didn't seem overly apologetic and it was obvious that Sebastian wasn't changing his opinion but merely apologising because it had made Blaine feel uncomfortable. Deciding not to pursue the topic, instead Blaine changed it.

"So I hear you're being sent on another supply run."

A quick glance in his direction and Sebastian was nodding his head. "You heard correctly. We're heading out tomorrow. Should only be gone a couple days. Speaking of which, do you guys have some sort of schedule for this thing or does Kale just decide on the day?"

Shaking his head, Blaine glanced away, dark eyes wandering over the details of the makeshift fence erected around their campsite. As a marginal defence it would be decent, but any large horde and it would be a minor delay at best. Giving them enough time to get out of the immediate area was all it had been designed for. "Not really anything specific. There are people he tends to prefer sending out who get chosen more often than others." He shot the other a smile. "Maybe you shouldn't be so good at it and he won't think to pick you again."

He won a smile for that, the other guy nodding his head slowly. "Kinda wish he'd pair me up with someone else once in a while though. It's like he's determined to throw us together until we get along."

It was becoming apparent that Kale liked to partner Sebastian and Kurt when they went out on supply runs. When asked about it the guy had just shrugged and said it just happened that way, but it had happened enough over the past few weeks that Blaine had begun to suspect that wasn't the whole truth.

"Maybe he just figures that because you two can't stand each other you'll not waste time talking and just get on with it. I can imagine it's great incentive to get things done and get back quickly."

Sebastian laughed, nodding his head. "Yeah, I guess so. He's infinitely less distracting than you would be, I'm sure."

Just an offhand comment, still Blaine felt a flush threaten to rise to his cheeks and – annoyed at himself – he pushed the feeling down, laughing along with his friend. "Well there you have it. Kale does seem to have a sixth sense about these kinds of things. He probably knows not to partner us up. Doesn't want us getting killed because we're too distracted by one another."

He received a nod for this, noticing Sebastian shooting him a quick look out of the corner of his eye. He'd opened his mouth to reply when a new voice – cold and hard – interrupted their conversation. "Ready to go, Smythe? Time's wasting."

Blaine started, not having heard the other approach and turned to see Kurt standing several feet behind them. Seeing Sebastian fighting a frown at the other's attitude – why couldn't Kurt just let their past issues go? – he shot his own at Kurt, but otherwise made no comment. Instead he took a quick breath to calm himself, looking between the two of them. "Take care, you two. Please. I don't want to lose either of you, you hear?"

This seemed to distract Sebastian from his frown and the other guy shot him a smile. "I will. You'll be stuck me with a while yet, Killer, I can promise you that."

Ignoring Kurt's dark scowl, Blaine just nodded with a smile before turning to Kurt. "You too, you hear. Please don't be brave or reckless. Just come back, okay?" And when Kurt sobered at those words, nodding his head, Blaine moved closer to wrap his arms around his boyfriend, holding him close for a moment.

"I promise." Kurt's words were whispered, almost as if he didn't want Sebastian to overhear, and when he pulled back, he offered Blaine a small smile. "See you when we get back."

* * *

He didn't think he'd ever get used to the waiting.

He'd been through it enough these days that it should have become just another part of his day, waiting for Kurt to get back from a supply run. It was a fact that Kurt, like Tyler, had an almost sixth sense when it came to supply runs, finding things that others might have missed in the ruins that the world had become. It was because of this that he was one of Kale's first choices when it came to supply runs – easier than sending Tyler who'd often make a big deal about it if he was sent more often than any of the others. Because of that, Blaine felt that he should have been more than used to this feeling, but knowing what he was up against, what was out there...

Well it was impossible not to worry.

Doubly so too now that Sebastian went with him more often than not. The two together turned out to be an effective team despite their animosity towards one another, but knowing that two people he cared about deeply – his boyfriend and a close friend – were out there, in danger...

Well it was unavoidable.

And so, when he saw Kurt trudging through the camp – looking exhausted – he felt his heart leap into his throat and he raced the length of the camp to throw himself into the other's arms. Sure, things hadn't been perfect between them for a while now... not one hundred percent anyway, but that didn't mean that he didn't care; didn't worry about him and wasn't thrilled to see him return home.

"You're home. You're safe," he murmured into the other's neck, Kurt's arms folding around him and holding him close, his face buried in his neck as he drew in deep, shuddering breaths.

Wait... shuddering?

Pulling away he tried to catch the clear blue eyes of his boyfriend only to have them dart away seconds later. "Kurt, what's wrong?" and suddenly he had a horrible thought, a sick feeling rising in the pit of his stomach. "Where's Sebastian?"

His eyes darted around the camp in a futile attempt to locate the taller guy before his eyes shifted back to Kurt's face. It seemed he was even more determined not to meet his gaze now though it was clear from the expression that pulled his mouth into a frown and the sympathetic flash in those eyes that wouldn't quite meet his own that he didn't want the answer Kurt was going to give him.

"Blaine, he's..."

"No," and he was shaking his head, releasing Kurt and backing away slowly, his mind determined not to process exactly what it was that Kurt was trying to tell him. "No... he's... he's fine." He swallowed heavily. "He _has_ to be fine, right?" and when Kurt didn't respond straight away, his eyes meeting his at last, the sympathy he saw there almost bowled him right over. "No. He can't be."

"Blaine, I'm sorry."

He felt tears threatening his composure now – he hadn't cried in so long. He'd lost friends and family over the past several months, and although it shouldn't have, each loss became easier than the last. He hadn't cried since he'd lost his parents only a couple weeks in. And now... now he was going to cry again? Over someone he'd only just reconnected with after years apart?

When Kurt moved to hug him again, Blaine found himself shaking his head, retreating further. He knew if he let Kurt hug him that he'd cry, and right now... he needed answers. "How...?"

He meant to ask a whole question but couldn't get the words out. Kurt however didn't seem to need them, answering him quietly. Giving him what he wanted.

At least as far as he was able.

Because he wanted Sebastian back.

"We were on our way back and there was a whole swarm of them blocking our way. We decided to split up. Sneak our way past them..." he swallowed heavily, his eyes haunted for a moment as his mind wandered back to that moment. "I guess he wasn't quiet enough." He shook his head, blue eyes trying to catch his but Blaine couldn't lift them from the ground, his mind trying to process exactly what it was that Kurt was telling him. "They swarmed him... there was nothing I could do. I couldn't save him." And when he saw the anguish flutter across Blaine's face, he reached out to rest a hand on Blaine's shoulder. "I'm really sorry, Blaine."

For a moment he stood frozen, the dark hazel eyes focussed on something far distant. Next moment he was pulling away – Kurt's hand fell back to his side – shaking his head. "I can't... I just... I..." But he couldn't find the words and without uttering anything further he turned, bolting from the camp and into the woods beyond; ignoring the calls following him into the bleak grey of the waning afternoon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** Hi all. I'm sorry this one took me so long. Unfortunately my gamer side got the better of me and my PS4 has been getting all my attention lately.

As always, thanks to those who've taken the time to read this, and for those who've followed and favourited it. Thanks especially go to my reviewers. I appreciate you for taking the time to let me know what you think.

Darrinia: Unfortunately this is a situation where Blaine cannot help Sebastian. As for the 'if he's dead or not' thing... You'll just have to wait and see. Hope you like it.

Before I start with this chapter, just a small FYI... I thought I should clarify what my characters are dealing with. In my head this zompocalypse is populated by both the traditional, slow-moving zombies and the more dangerous faster moving type. The former I'm sure you all know quite well. The latter... something similar to those in World War Z... If you're not familiar with those you can either check out the ones from the movie or even google the gameplay trailer for Days Gone (which is what was the original inspiration for this fic, if I'm honest). In this story they are called 'Shriekers' and they are anything but good news. (Side note: I'm gonna play the hell out of that game :P)

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy Chapter 4

* * *

It had become clear to him later that Kurt had been doing his very best not to be upset by the strength of his reaction to the news that Sebastian was gone. Thinking back on it now, Blaine knew the reaction would have hurt the other man; Kurt had always been a little extra sensitive when it came to his relationship with the tall, former-Warbler, and seeing a strong reaction like he had...

Then again, he supposed jealousy wasn't going to be an issue anymore, the thought making him miserable again as he thought of the fleeting time he'd been able to spend with his friend; how great it had been to catch up with the man, see how he'd changed... just _relax_ with someone for the first time in a long time before he'd been lost to him forever.

It was hard to think about even now.

Still, it wasn't fair to Kurt to be treating him the way that he had been, distancing himself like he had, so pulling himself together the next morning he'd gone to find his boyfriend, holding the other close and simply enjoying for a long moment the company of the other guy. Because yes, he'd lost Sebastian but Kurt was still alive, still here with him, and he had to be thankful for that.

Of course, telling Lyssie that Sebastian wasn't coming back was probably one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do in his life. Kurt had offered to do so for him, of course, to give the young girl the news given his connection with what had happened but Blaine knew it would be better coming from him.

She'd never really warmed to Kurt.

Just the way those big dark eyes looked up into his after he'd told her what had happened, as if begging him to admit that it was all just some horrible joke... It had broken his heart and although he'd desperately wanted to remove that look from her eyes, he'd been unable to do anything but shake his head. "I'm sorry, Lyssie. He's not coming back."

She'd thrown herself into his arms at that point, sobbing loudly into his shoulder and holding him as if she'd never let him go. If there had ever been any doubt at all that the little girl loved Sebastian the way she might have loved her own father it was put to rest in that moment. Feeling so helpless and more than a little inadequate for the situation, Blaine had hugged her back, shooting Kurt a look of what he supposed might have been panic over the little girl's shoulder.

His boyfriend had merely shrugged his response, just as out of his depth as Blaine had felt apparently.

Neither had ever been any good with kids.

* * *

Things around the camp became particularly sombre after losing Sebastian. Sure the guy was a relatively new addition to the group; even the others in the small group that had joined with their own didn't know him very well, but losing someone – anyone – they'd become used to seeing around... well it hadn't happened in this group for a long time, not since the early days after the outbreak and it had hit them really hard. Similarly affected were Blaine and Lyssie who had known him best; Kurt of course tried to be supportive but outside of the guilt he felt for losing Sebastian 'on his watch' he simply couldn't miss the other guy on a personal level.

Blaine tried not to hold it against him.

Still, that left him without anyone to talk to when it came to his feelings regarding what had happened; the way he suddenly felt as though he didn't have anyone to talk to. Unfair really, because he had Kurt, but the feeling wouldn't go away no matter how much he tried to push it down.

He found that spending time around Lyssie helped him miss the former-Warbler a lot less. The stories she told about his lost friend... well he couldn't help the way they made him smile, reading in between a lot of what Lyssie told him to find the young man he'd known back at school. He'd changed significantly of course; certainly he was a hell of a lot more responsible if he'd managed to look after Lyssie for as long as he had, but sometimes, shining through those stories, were flashes of the guy he'd known back at Dalton.

For Lyssie, he supposed the chats were a little comforting; indeed he managed to coax a small smile out of her on only the second day after Sebastian's disappearance, her dark eyes sparkling for just a moment before remembering what had happened and that right light dimmed once more.

"I miss him," she'd cried softly, burying her little face in her hands, her small shoulders trembling gently with her sobs, and he'd been unable to resist pulling her into a gentle hug.

"I know, Lyssie. I know. I miss him too."

Of course, the world didn't stop for one guy, and the business around the camp continued as it always had. Sure, they hadn't lost someone in a while, but they'd lost someone before and would without a doubt lose someone in the future, and they couldn't all just stop moving forward; surviving. Presently Kale was standing before a small group of them, reading from a small scrap of paper the assignments for the week. As always, Blaine found himself on maintenance with Elena and knew better than to argue the position.

Sure, it was nice to remain in the safety of the camp, but at the same time the same task day in and day out was becoming a little boring. Not that he didn't understand of course.

He had been told multiple times by multiple people around the camp that he should consider himself lucky. That working maintenance with Elena was the dream gig. Certainly Tyler was interested in the woman... he was forever pestering her with questions and compliments (not necessarily in that order), though from what she'd explained to him, she didn't exactly enjoy the attention. And of course Tim seemed to be interested in her as well, though he wasn't overly forward with his feelings, keeping his distance and certainly not going out of his way to speak to her.

Indeed, Elena didn't seem to think he had any for her, at least from what Blaine could tell.

Either way, both men considered his constantly being assigned to work with Elena more than a bit of good luck. As did Elena, because it kept the other men of the camp out of her hair.

"Seriously, Anderson, you're doing me a favour."

Blaine looked over at that, smiling ruefully. "Actually I think you have Kale to thank for that... he's the one doling out the assignments."

"I'll keep that in mind next time we have a chance to chat." She studied his face for a moment, her blue eyes sympathetic. "How're you holding up anyway? Sebastian was your friend, wasn't he?"

He just nodded at that, finding that he had to swallow heavily before he found the ability to speak again. "Yeah, he was. And I'm fine. I'll get through it. Just another day in the life, right?"

"Guess so." Elena too had lost her fair share of people when this new world had destroyed the old, though despite that she seemed to have a light-hearted outlook on life.

You could always count on her to find the silver lining.

"How's Kurt holding up?"

"Hmm?" Blaine was surprised by the question. "He's fine. He didn't really like Sebastian."

"Yeah but..." and she hesitated a moment, suddenly uncomfortable. "He was with him at the time... that's bound to mess you up. Guilt, horror... God I can't imagine having to witness something like that again."

"What do you mean?" and he was frowning. "Kurt wouldn't have witnessed anything... they'd split up to get past them. He wasn't there."

"Oh!" and she seemed a little surprised by this for what reason Blaine wasn't sure, but he wasn't one hundred percent sure he wanted to know.

Regardless, he couldn't help asking, "Why?"

But she quickly shook her head. "It's just... I mean Kurt said that it was the shriekers that got him. The minute someone sets those bastards off, everyone else just has to freeze. They're too bloody alert to risk moving. Kurt would've had to stay exactly where he was when Sebastian set them off... he wouldn't have had a choice. And sure, he might not have _seen_ anything, but he would have heard _everything_." And she swallowed heavily at the thought, shaking her head. "It's just... it's not easy to shake something like that off, is all."

Blaine had never even considered that; had never thought that Kurt would have had to just wait, listening to the sound of shriekers tearing Sebastian apart before making his way back home. He'd simply assumed that his boyfriend had gotten the hell out of there whilst they'd been distracted, but Elena was right. Moving after someone had alerted a swarm of shriekers was just far too dangerous.

Everyone knew that.

It had been on his mind all day after Elena had bought it up; he couldn't help but be horrified that his own selfish misery had prevented him from seeing what Elena had... that Kurt would no doubt be struggling with what had happened just as badly as he was. For different reasons, maybe, but that didn't make Kurt's struggle any less awful than his own.

He made a point of hunting him down after his boyfriend had returned from hunting with Kale and Tyler, wordlessly walking up to him and wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. "I'm sorry, Kurt."

Kurt was obviously surprised by the gesture, patting him almost awkwardly on the back initially before really committing and hugging him back a moment later. "Hey... are you okay? Sorry about what?"

"About being so insensitive... about thinking only about how I'm feeling and not about you." He hugged him even tighter, hating to imagine what Kurt might have seen and heard that day. "I'm really sorry."

He felt his boyfriend shrug against him, felt the rise and fall of the other's shoulders as he buried his face against his neck, the warmth of his breath dusting his skin. "It's fine, Blaine. I get it, I really do." And when Blaine nodded, Kurt continued. "I'm not jealous or angry or anything like that, I promise. Take as much time as you need, okay?"

For a moment Blaine didn't understand what he was talking about, pulling away a moment to get a good look at Kurt's face. "I'm not talking about that. You saw – or at the very _least_ – heard what happened to Sebastian. I can't imagine what that must have been like..."

When he finished speaking, Kurt looked uncomfortable, his blue eyes refusing to meet Blaine's, and he frowned at the other guy. "What?"

"We split up."

His frown deepened at that. "Yeah, you mentioned. There was a swarm, so you guys split up to get around them."

But Kurt was shaking his head. "No, we, uh... split up. Earlier in the day. Before the swarm."

"I..." but then he was frowning, trying to understand what this meant. "What?"

"We split..."

"Yes, I know, I heard you." And Blaine didn't know why he was being so snappy with the other guy; why he couldn't seem to let this go. "Why? Why did you split up? You're supposed to watch one another's backs out there. That's the whole _point_ of sending two people."

Kurt nodded. Still uncomfortable obviously, as if assuming that Blaine would start blaming him for what had happened. "I know. Sebastian..." and he swallowed heavily. "Sebastian didn't want to be anywhere near me. He said we should split up and meet back where we started." He shook his head. "Whenever Kale would send us out together we'd split up. Always have."

"But..." and he was struggling with this new information, trying so _very_ hard not to blame Kurt for any of this. This wasn't his fault. He knew how Sebastian could be; knew how much he didn't like Kurt. He shouldn't be surprised that Sebastian had insisted they not spend any more time than they had to together. Really if anyone was to blame for this it would be... "But how do you know..."

And so Kurt told him the whole story, told him everything that he'd asked for and realised later that he never really wanted to know about that day. He gave him the whole story and didn't leave a thing out. How he'd been unable to save his friend; how there was no way that he could have survived. That Sebastian was very definitely...

 _Here._

But no... No... He couldn't possibly be here. He had to be seeing things; had to be imagining the tall, former-Warbler as he strode into camp, had to be imagining the looks of shock on the faces of those around him as he passed them.

Because Sebastian was dead.

For a long moment he stared at the tall man striding through the camp; bruised and battered yes, utterly filthy but _very_ much alive. Then he was running; without thinking for even a second he was racing the short distance to the other man with every intention of throwing his arms around him – filthy as he was – and hugging him half to death. He didn't get the chance however, because Sebastian had caught sight of someone behind him, shouldering his way right past him with a snarl as he threw himself at Kurt, his fist connecting with the smaller guy's jaw with terrific force and sending the other guy crumpling to the ground.


End file.
